20150628

coming out




my natural attraction was towards girls, all my crushes were exclusively on girls
i been thought about why is that a bad thing that me
actually is hard thing for me to talk because i care about the people that i've been in relationship with,my friends, my family
honestly i been cry before while webcam with my bestie with chatting of this kind of issues. i will scary that i will affect she if someday i ver explore by other that i am gay. i scary other will think that she is weird with why did she friends with a gay . i scary....i will lost her. but on that time of chatting, i dunno how to let her know my feeling, so i just keep saying 'im sorry' ,but actually i really want to say 'i love you and thanks for always be there whatever ridiculous how i am' but i can't talk all this easy out cause i knew that she will be think that i ver emotionally or maybe ridiculous again,but im not！i just appreciate her.

'i gonna try my best and walk you through my mind ' here this a sentences i been say to a man who i really think he is good.
i can care about man but i can't be in love with a man and i can't get myself fully and completely to man physically,emotionally, because it just it's not in my natural and i just keep telling myself now this is it bad to like so many other people have it way worse than the world and i was just living this quietly unhappy life on right i just keep telling myself essentially i wasn't where there unhappiness and i didn't deserve it that's essentially what i was telling myself this entire time.

i had this wall up for so much of my life but it wasn't like this break a stone wall i've described it to my friends in this glass wall where you could feel me but you're never getting all of me because there is still that barrier and i push so many people away, especially girls and women because i was afraid of getting too close and developing feelings and then just i didn't even wanna know what would happen i was so afraid i felt like i did not deserve to be happy .

A real relationship is two way deal it's not one sided one person shouldn't just be feeling love on the other one felt we're running away ,both people should be in the relationship ,both people should be present because both people are were the whole life.

when i try to kiss somebody with no relationship, i felt this is pretty good and i don't even have feeling for this person,imagine if i had feeling~

i just wanna say i love you all guys

20150522

这几天平均每天都是说电话到发脾气~

发了脾气盖了电话以后 却又自己在那里后悔觉得很不应该，刚才语气不应该那样​

我是不是有躁郁症啊？

可能也只是快大考了压力大？

读书方面；​​我自制能力不好，时间总安排的不好

所以更加不喜欢无关紧要的人来打扰我已经安排好的读书时间

但是

打扰的人又不是​所谓真的无关紧要的人

就变得我在哪里自相矛盾了

就比如今天

刚才就打来说了些无关紧要的事

突然说了现在5点多了

你妹啊 ~

已经5点多了

我今天完全没有读到书也

根据时间表昨天还少读了两科 

加进来今天的tax就该要读到5课才是了

但其实真的不怪打电话来的人

刚才的语气真的很对不起

衣服款式随你，型号你觉得我穿的下就ok,2930我会安排时间过去帮你拿。。好吗？

​​

不过我会因为那样我更加讨厌不懂的安排自己时间的我自己​而已 

所以严格来说是生自己的气

所以， 

对于那些你觉得我对你很冷漠语气很不好的人

在这里说声对不起

其实不是在生你的气，就只是生我自己的气

​经此而已

20150520

关于曾经那些感动的、抱歉的、遗憾的、不舍的……现在这一刻只想对你们说一句:“谢谢你们，我爱你们”。




我用十年青春 赴你最后之约



　对于喜欢你的人，你的小缺点小任性都是可爱的，对于不喜欢你的人，你的小清新小优雅都是做作。


以前 我不知道什么叫年少轻狂，我只知道胜者为王

后来 我发现世界也不是都跟着我跑
或许不是全部都是不是
但至少 我喜欢的人不是

其实还蛮幸运有个很为我好的朋友
我知道我身边可能还有这样的朋友
但这个是真的很出面的对我好的那种
不默默的对我好那种
1个 2个3个4个
其实身边的好友都知道了
虽然大家嘴上都说着不介意
但我没能确定是不是真的不介意
但至少 佩芳是很明确的 让我知道
他真的不介意
他还是和以前一样的找我聊天 Tag我帖子
剩至会怕我没安全感 而特地是不是来‘打扰我’ 就为了让我知道，我没忘记你 我不介意你

谢谢 身边有了那么 接受我的朋友

真的谢谢你

20150426

你喜欢一个人多久了？

你问过你自己这个问题么？

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#志明与春娇